Bulgarian Roadtrip

The awesome foursome (Cat, Steve, Jr, and me) recently rented a car and drove the better part of Bulgaria over the course of a weekend. Like the characters in The Breakfast Club, another piece of Americana that Jr doesn't know, we are the stereotypes of our setting: the queen of snark, the doorknob, Rainman, and the foodie. We represent Canada and the states, New York and Maryland, science, history, and literature; the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s and 21st century are our childhoods, our lives. We're a motley crew (even if Jr doesn't know who they are) and we have a blast together. We have each written a post to share our perspective of this trip. Inspired by The Sound and The Fury, you'll read four tales (you can guess which one is the tale told by an idiot) of a series of moments in our lives where paths crossed and memories were made. Each his its own style and muse, some poetic, some prose, some musical. Mine, loosely based on Sandra Cisneros's House on Mango Street is a tribute to each of my compatriots on team NIS.


The Tribe has Spoken

He lives under a rock. Not literally, although it was a concern during fall semester when he wouldn't come out of his hole. This kid, smarter than me and all the rest of our friends, is clueless about so much. He knows his classical music. He's got sports stats to a T. Chemistry? He's your man. But ask him who sings a pop song and his response is likely to be, "How the fuck should I know?". We threw him some meatballs, "Roxanne" and "American Pie." He'd never heard them before. When he couldn't recognize Neil Diamond's "America" he almost got voted off the island, yet another reference he didn't understand. One last chance, you can win immunity if you know this. Here's a hint - he's "the boss," he sings "Born in the USA," he's from New Jersey. Our young Rainman couldn't figure out that we were listening to "Thunder Road" but he did shout "Springsteen" with glee as he pieced together the clues about the Asbury Park native. He proudly procaimed, "I went to school in New Jersey. I know Jersey guys!" But he didn't know about breaking the seal.
He's a good kid. Young grasshopper, so much to learn. Does he even know why we call him Rainman? He prefers to be called the messiah. He hasn't learned yet that he doesn't always have to be right. Three days in a car, we gave him a crash course in Americana, Canadiana, and ettiquette; in return, he taught us about car snacks. We did our best, but in the end, all we could do was shake our heads, eat our haribo, cover our ears, and say "MUSKRAT!"

Cat, Queen of Snark

She invented the snarkometer. And though for weeks it seemed the snarking stars were aligned, on this trip she only struck gold with her Joplin covers. She defeated Jr in a map fight, though her navigation skills cost her two beers. Her wit was quick as she identified a cast of characters including Rasputin, and the iconic Beatles, Nicholas Cage, and Alanis Morrisette. Fortunately, this wasn't blasphemy since that orthodox priest never did appear. "Why wasn't that on our list?" the snark would fly as we passed our third wreck on a post. But it was her description of our final missing bingo square that earned her the crown. As we passed the car in our last stretch back to Sofia out came the cry, "Hey! Look at that shirtless fat driver drinking a beer while driving a car." And was he also enjoying fine tobacco products while talking on a cell phone? Is it still a snark if it's completely accurate?
"We're gonna miss breakfast."
"You may be right. I may be crazy."And snark-free she joined me on the race to the buffet. They call me the foodie, but I think Cat gets it (or maybe she just felt guilty for mocking my swine flu with oinks that caused me to choke on my water that then came out my nose...perhaps we should call her the queen of snarf.) But she was the one who was enjoying her dinner so much that she got halfway through before realizing the food on her plate was actually Steve's.

And speaking of Steve....

Steve Who Makes us Look Fat

"Give it back!" "Delete that!" "Come on!"
A man of many talents, soups, songs, snarks, stork sightings, though he did miss snow, Steve's most remarkable (and frustrating for his travel partners) talent is his ability to make everyone look fat in pictures, including himself. Incidentally, Jr took this opportunity for another muskrat moment by sugesting that Steve would make a great lingerie photographer with his uncanny ability to enhance the size of the certain body parts. Response? One of many, "You're killing me, Smalls."
Steve of course, blamed my camera and insisted on using Cat's to practice. I have to confess, by the end, he'd gotten much better.
His inability to flatter people on camera is surprising considering how good his eyes are. It was Steve who spotted the Ohio license plate on the way to Veliko. Thought he wouldn't let us stop to photograph the replica Medieval Times castle on the highway or the fake Roman/Communist bus-stop in the village, he did let us get out to document the dinosaur by the canon. 

Fortunately his good eyes are connected to quick reflexes that allowed him to stop the car for random cattle crossings. I'm honored to have been his co-pilot, given such large responsibilities as "Give me one more and then cut me off" and environmental/entertainment officer. My job was easy with such a Bingo winning driver!
Final score: Steve 7, me 4, Cat 2, and Jr 1 (but it was the fire he wanted, so he was thrilled.)

Here friend, There friend; Own friend, Flown friend

“Not in Sofia” was a mantra no curse
It mattered not how many leva came from their purse
The four teachers left early and left really soon
Distance was needed or the stress would balloon




So with music, map, and a little conversation
The adventurous 4 left their dreary Sofia station
Each had their assignments, roles, and own seats
Allow a quick moment for them to repeat

A pilot, the driver, quiet and full of snark
The navigator, assured, that sang like a Lark
The entertainment officer, who’s time has been cut
The obnoxious Warning System of “what, what, WHAT””

“That’s what she said” , a semi-nude “Ring-Road girl”
Storks, flaming rubbish, and babas that curl
Smart cars, hummers, but no gypsy carpool was shown
Bulgarian Bingo had taken a life of its own
With Sofia to their backs, Belogradchik to their face
The fabulous foursome soon appreciated the space
There was little trash and even less graffiti
But it was the guys who appreciated the billboards “sans bikini”

As the sun set on the first day of the trip
The beauty of the glowing red rocks caused their hearts to skip
If one has been, Belogradchik is truly a world wonder
In its beauty, peace, and quietness, Life’s questions will ponder




Having a drink, with good friends and view, is truly a winner
Especially since, at the Hotel Skalite, Chalga and child chaos was for dinner
The location, the comfort can be praised without irking
But the group had never heard of a “patio not working”


With the stress all gone, it was easy to wake late
With any schedule shot, the agenda … a clean slate
Up to Belogradchik, the fortress of Rome and Turks
The pictures are proof-positive, North Americans are quirks






Back in the car, about their snacks, they were not fickle
Out in the middle of no where, a rusted hammer and sickle
The map was a good one, though be of low cost
Yet ways were taken as if dictated by Frost











The omniscient navigator confident of the roads they flew
A bet was made, nay, the wagers were two
Though they saw some pretty country and many a sight
The sweetest thing said was “Dammit Door-Knob, you’re right!”

And then, out of no where, without even lookin’
A stairway to no place, with a Tom Tale bookin’
Out jumped Steve for the unique photo-op
Tom’s tale continued though a cry came “Oh God, when will it Stop!”



But through all the rules of etiquette, imaginations spark
And the ever present, always working meter of snark
His mind was always active, his questions aloud
Junior was a welcome and appreciated member of the crowd

This is not to say, with pride and much chagrin
That Junior did not get a few good shots in
With quick mind, intelligence, and a little bit of fun
“Aren’t you a dad? Aren’t you 51?”

The snark-o-meter ran, the vagabonds were under the gun
Whether it was age, gender, or looks, it was always for fun
A good snark was given with a retort well met
The winning-est snark of all was the “wife from Gallaudet”

Towards Turnovo, the group was bound
no road sign nor reservation were to be found
Through computer and book, the crew went fishing
Staying at Hotel Bolyarski, no better could be wishing







Another fortress, more walking, more art
At Execution Point, they almost were part
No respect for the history, this country, this here
The winner of this race gets his wife’s weight in beer








The place was pretty, each patio was working
But through drinks, a quick rest, a question was lurking
“Where shall we eat?!” wondered a beer and a Cosmo
“Where shall we eat?!” the foodie wanted to know

On went the foodie, the pilot, the sage, and twit
Fish, fondue, and more words full of wit
Back though this ancient town, the travelers tread
Three tried to teach one, that chivalry was not dead.




Sitting together listening to keyboard and string
The group finally relaxed and spirits took wing
The drinks were drunk and sporcle another matter
It was of the guitar player that one heart went “pitter-patter”



The time for free breakfast was not going to be last
Man, those two ladies got up really fast
They ate, and got food to those lazy boring men
And soon the quadruplets were on the road again

“STOP” screamed the foodie with force and nerve
It mattered not that they were inside of a curve
“Before we get to the mountain called Shipka Pass,
I must have a picture of a cart pulled by an ass”



Up 385 steps, no North American was that fool hearty
Wait a minute, Junior had ruined the party
Upward he ran, feeling strong and cocky
He danced, and we praised the new Bulgarian Rocky







The view as breathtaking, the air renewing
Here it was found, the peace they were pursuing
Minds, hearts, and souls feeling refreshed and blessed
The wheels of the car turned to the end of their quest

More quizzes for Junior and bathrooms were needed
Beware of livestock, these warnings were heeded
Staying on “this island” was no more a right,
Especially if he did not know who sung “Paradise by the dashboard light”

But even in the sight of Vitosha and the city
Their hearts were content, for others they felt pity
The road was at an end still one question persist…
So “yes, tom. The girls of ring road really do exist”

So thank you Rox, Cat, and the Tom they call Junior
I really wish we had done this trip sooner
You brought many a smile to this man, your friend
The next trip will be better…America..end to end.

Christopher John Francis Boone and the Tour of Bulgaria

*The post below is Jr's.  The genius couldn't figure out how to make this website appear in English and doesn't know enough Bulgarian to muddle through, so I copy and pasted his text here.  Like Cat's post, Jr opted for creativity...his inspiration was The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime.

2

Supposedly I’m the world’s smartest dumb person. Potentially I’m the world’s dumbest smart person.  They mean entirely different things, but I’m unaware as to which people are referring.

3

These people who refer to me in these manners could be known as Stone, Feline, and Scuba. These are generic forms of the same sounds that make up their name, or some associative term, so it is just as accurate a term to use to designate said persons.  Even though two are inanimate objects and one is a domesticated animal that doesn’t sit well with me most of the time, it didn’t stop me from procuring various carbohydrate-loaded foods and climbing into the backseat of a vehicle with these people.

5

Let me tell you about this back seat. It has a sliding headrest, that you can try to move up and down to make it more comfortable, but it just fails. Otherwise it is like most other back seats. Cramped, less than perfectly comfortable, but, it’s a seat. I slept a bit as we headed through the countryside.

7

Belogradchik has rocks. Lots of rocks. They are unlike any other rocks I have seen before. Similar, but different. Someone decided that the position was strategic, when considering the surrounding area and its location, so they built a fortress on one of the higher hills between the rocks. Considering the carefulness one had to use to scale the stone steps to reach the stronghold, I’d have to agree that the position was a strong one, but wonder whether or not, over the course of a week or two weeks, a garrisoned unit could survive a siege due to lack of supplies.

11

I had wanted to be amused on the trip, so Stone announced we’d be playing a searching game. I’m not so good at the searching games because I don’t always remember what I’m looking for, and if I do, a lot of the time I don’t remember that I’m playing the searching game. Since the list was long, and I was struggling, I decided to settle for a search for a fire without visible people near it.  There were lots of fires, but all of them were too far away to tell whether they were attended. So I kept searching.

13

Scuba drove to Veliko Tarnovo.  There is supposedly a light show there, but it didn’t happen that night.  Perhaps other people didn’t want to see it. It probably would have been cool though.

17

Walking around the fortress in Veliko was brilliant.  The fortress is a defensive stronghold, surrounded by nearly 360° of river, high on a bluff.  Additionally, the far banks of the river are steep hills down to the river, which means a treacherous decent, followed by an amphibious operation to get to the walls of the fortress (including an ascent), and then the walls must be breached.  Oh wait, that is if the assault did not want to go along the narrow isthmus that connects the fortress with the surrounding hills and attempt to slam through the gates. Actually, that might be less daunting. Perhaps the original planners of Veliko had this in mind, something of forcing the opposition into a medieval Stalingrad, although one without explosives.

19

After Veliko we headed to another strategic point, Shipka pass.  This time there was no water, just a big mountain from which the entire surrounding area can be seen. In 1877, Russian/Bulgarian troops took the pass from the Turks, then held it through the winter, sealing this strategic landmark, effectively scoring a decisive battle in the war, which freed Bulgaria from Turkish rule.

23

From there Scuba brought Stone, Feline and myself home. I guess this doesn’t have much about what we did, or things like that. But in terms of what happened, the importance of Shipka, Belogradchik and Veliko as strategic strongholds seems slightly more important. Who knows. Anyway, I believe Feline, Scuba and Stone are also contributing, so this is my contribution, however worthwhile it is. After all, I was told I should write things down to keep a record of them.

Bulgarian Road Trip: Yes Jr, it is all about the numbers!!

Four friends, one rental car, 3 days on the road with 25 pounds of junk food, courtesy of the 24 year old. Steve drove, mostly so he could be in the front seat with enough room for his legs. Rox sat in the co-pilot seat because we all agreed that was preferable to her being ill in the back seat. Tom and I sat in the back. We began the trip shortly after 4 pm on a Friday, heading out of the city on the highway 1. North and West to Belogradchik. We knew we were in for a long trip without some serious distractions, so we created a Bulgarian bingo game. Steve, as the driver, naturally saw everything long before all of us. Although I did see an unattended fire in a dumpster at an unauthorized road side dump, with more garbage out side the dumpster than inside. Sadly, that was not on the list. We saw two towns, two fortresses, and an uncounted number of rocks. I lost two bets with Steve and had to buy him two beers. Roxanne took pictures of every meal – I believe it was four in all.

We sang along with the tunes Rox played on the ipod, and educated Jr about American pop music and culture. We took pictures of roadside novelties and laughed at the simple things that struck as incongruous. On the return trip, we stopped in Shipka Pass and walked up 385 stairs (Jr counted them). We also quizzed Jr on American music, and threatened to vote him ‘off the island’. Unfortunately, he did not understand the reference. So, this blog post is about the ‘Americana’ we tried to inform Jr about, the music we listened to and the laughs we shared. (Jr if you can guess the original band and song this is taken from, you get immunity!)

On the first part of the journey

I was looking at all the life

There were ring road girls and shrubbish to see

There were gypsy carts and traffic streams

The first thing we did was play a road game

And Steve could do no wrong

The air was fresh and the grass was green

And Jr learned some new songs

I’ve been through Bulgaria with 4 good friends

It felt good to be out of Sofia

On the road you can remember your name

‘cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain

La, La, ….

After two days, in the small back seat

The snacks began to get stale

After three days, in the weekend heat

I was listening to Jr’s tales

And the stories he told never seemed to end

The lack of a point made Steve wail.

You see I’ve been through Bulgaria in a small rental car

It felt good to be out of Sofia

In Veliko, you can remember your name

‘cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain

La, la…

At the weekends close, we had to come home

‘cause we almost ran out of songs

We drove through Shipska, climbed up on the rocks

And Steve took pictures of Rox

Belogradchik was cool, with the rocks and the trees

And the fortress up above

And the laughter in the car made us weak in the knees

And the memories will be strong

You see I’ve been through Bulgaria with 4 good friends

It felt good to be out of Sofia

On the road, you can remember your name

‘cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain

La, la…

татуировка

Go ahead...look up that title in a Bulgarian-English dictionary...I'll wait.

After visiting the passport office to renew my Bulgarian ID card, I headed to the mosque to relax by the fountain and listen to the call to prayer.  Cat met me downtown and we did some tourist kitsch shopping...cyrillic t-shirts, etc..  (There are some cool pics from the underground passage with Roman ruins that will appear in a later post.)  After shopping, we met up with Jess, had a little adventure, and ended the evening with dinner at Annette, my favorite Moroccan restaurant.  (Pictures of the food will also appear in a later post.)  Below are the amaretto sours we invented, since they weren't on the menu, but the staff there indulged us.  After our little adventure, we needed them!

The adventure began earlier that afternoon when Ivo called тату MoHиka to inquire about appointments.  He was assured that an appointment was unnecessary, on a weekday evening we could just walk in.  He got directions (which were fantastic, thank goodness, since I appear to have lost all sense of how to get around Sofia), and found out the price.  Apparently there is a minimum charge for any size up to the equivalent of a box of cigarettes...nice standard of measure, isn't it?  

Upon our arrival, we were greeted by a shirtless man in white shorts, who Cat and Jess assure me wasn't wearing any underwear...it seems this time, my tendency to be oblivious was useful.  In any case, he was very nice, realized we were the internationals who had called earlier, and though he spoke no English, simplified his speech enough that Jess was able to understand - yay for Jessica's Bulgarian skills!  Basically, they were busy, but had a guy at another location 200 meters away who could help us.  That guy would arrive in 5 minutes to pick us up.  In the meantime, cigarette in hand, he offered us all beer, which we politely declined.  

Other guy did indeed arrive in only 5 minutes (this was a good omen, since in Bulgarian time 5 minutes could really have been anywhere from 5-45 minutes...in that sense, I fit right in!)  He walked us to his place, which was certainly NOT 200 meters away...maybe 2000.  Below are some pictures of his studio:

the view from his window...oh yes, we were in the basement!

Here is the artist at work.  Fortunately, his limited English was not a concern.  Someone was definitely looking out for me.  This studio was much cleaner (notice he's wearing gloves), he wasn't drinking or smoking, and he had a girlfriend who spoke perfect English and translated exactly what I wanted.  Phew!

Yes, you may think I'm crazy.  I prefer adventurous, thank you.  As you can see, I lived to tell about it and I'm still smiling!

The final product, hours after completion...the drafting ink hadn't even all washed off yet.

Yes, it's a Bulgarian word, written in Cyrillic.  But I'm not telling what it means or where it is!

Below is the video for the song we were singing after this little adventure:

We should do this more often!

We've had lots of school functions and staff parties this year, but the St. George's Day celebration on Friday night was by far the best! Back in December, the international staff hosted an American Thanksgiving for the Bulgarian faculty. We spent numerous hours slaving away in the cafeteria kitchens (quite an adventure!) to make lots of turkey, stuffing, and fixings (I was on team dessert, of course...pumpkin, apple, and banana cream pie...see December blog posts for pictures). The Bulgarians reciprocated by hosting this party. Traditional Bulgarian food such as roast lamb was served; however, their efforts were concentrated on the entertainment, as you can see in the videos. The combination of being outdoors, great event planning, and music made this a night to remember...we should do this so much more often!

Here is a little history on St. George's Day. And yes, we know it was on May 6, which was the end of a long weekend holiday (I was in Baden Baden then). We were going to celebrate on May 29, but our party was postponed. So, we were a month late, but not to worry...our party was worth the wait!

From novinite.com:

Bulgaria Celebrates St. George's Day
Society | May 6, 2008, Tuesday


Hundreds of thousands of Bulgarians are celebrating their name days on St. George's Day, May 6. Picture by webcrafts.bg
Bulgarians are celebrating Tuesday (May 6) "Gergyovden" - the day of one the most popular saints - St. George, who is among the few venerated by Christians and Muslims alike.

St. George was a Roman officer during the rule of Emperor Diocletian (284-305), who became one of the martyrs for Christianity. He was tortured and then beheaded (on April 23, 306) because of his refusal to renounce his Christian faith.

The holy martyr St. George the Victor has been considered one of the most important Saints ever since Christianity became the official state religion in Bulgaria in the 9th century.

In Bulgaria St. George is the patron of spring verdure and fertility, and of shepherds and farmers. His Day, May 6, is believed to set in summer and the new farming cycle.

Several hundred thousand Bulgarians, including President Georgi Parvanov and Parliament Speaker Georgi Pirinski, celebrate their name days on Tuesday.

A common ritual is to prepare and eat a whole lamb, which is an ancient practice possibly related to Slavic pagan sacrificial traditions and the fact that St. George is the patron saint of shepherds.

Special place on the table is attributed to the ritual Gergyovden bread. All sorts of bread are made for the feast - the cross bread, the shepherd's bread, the large ring-bread, as well as small ones, or the special ring-shaped bun baked by the young wife in the house.

St. George is praised by the Bulgarians as "liberator of captives, and defender of the poor, physician of the sick". For centuries he has been considered by the Bulgarians as their protector. Possibly the most celebrated name day in the country, St George's Day (Гергьовден, Gergyovden) is a public holiday that takes place on 6 May every year. A common ritual is to prepare and eat a whole lamb. St. George is the patron saint of farmers and shepherds.[42]
St. George's Day is also the Day of the Bulgarian Army (made official with a decree of Knyaz Alexander of Bulgaria on 9 January 1880) and parades are organised in the capitol Sofia to present the best of the army's equipment and manpower.

Now that you know the history of the celebration, take a look at the ACS version of the party:

DINNER!






My reputation precedes me...multiple people brought me ice cream...and of course, I ate them all! Much to the amusement of my Bulgarian colleagues, my foodie status is official, though I will refrain from publishing the proof here, at least for now...


Dancing!



Drinking: (it is Bulgaria, after all, home of rakia!)




Games:





Friends and fun:











The Fountain...such a perfect night for a party:







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